My maid,my saviour!

  I have been very amused in the past,that when women meet, the most favourite topic seemed to be their respective maids!How unbearable it was to bow down to the atrocious demands,how they played truant often.For me,those days,they were an additional support to cope up with the exacting,exerting household chores.Nothing more, nothing less. They were there most of the time sharing my burden,they were also not there when I needed them desperately.I never felt that they were entitled to precious time of discussion with dear ones.

Alas,gone are those days of self confidence and efficiency.Now,some chores that I did effortlesslessly are mind boggling.Those were days when guests poured in unannounced mostly and things were handled with ease.That was the way of life.Now,when the phone bell rings, there is a nervous fear-who is going to barge in?Will "she" be on time to give me support?The home which was my pride,ever spic and span,now turns a disaster zone when "she" has gone on casual leave.Yoga and meditation cannot give me the peace that her arrival does.And doesn't "she" know that!?  "She"now reigns supreme in our household!

The morning bell heralding her arrival everyday gives me more vigour than the morning cuppa does.All and sundry take susidiary positions compared to her.Her choices and conveniences are always given precedence.Oh no!"she" is no more a topic of "trifles"."SHE"is the person I wait for eagerly everyday and when she walks in my heart fills with relief and happiness for the day!

Self Respect

The earliest that I remember are the words of advice from my father"bend till your back breaks"!Yes,I tried following it wherever necessary though people who were very close to me,with whom I felt that I could take liberties would not have had occasions to have known  this docile side of mine.I tried to hold my head high when events bogged me down.I did not let others see when my heart cried miserably.I gave my shoulders for others to cry upon but failed to share my innermost insecurities with anyone.

As years have rolled on,six decades of an existence where I have no one to turn to,I now feel the loneliness, the terrible burden that I have carried all by myself are now too cumbersome to carry on my own.Is it worth all that trouble of having been too proud to show the world that I had my share of woes,my weaknesses?Many harsh remarks were thrown,heartless,thoughtless attitudes tried to drown me in deep seas of depression.Yet I managed to float.I put up with harshness but tried to be understanding.Did I get appreciation?Alas,no,even the closest dear ones do not seem even to acknowledge that I did it all for them.I was "strong"so that their weaknessses could  go undetected wherever and whenever possible.I tried to correct situations hopelessly gone wrong for them ,bore the brunt of their misdeeds and failures.Trusting in the One above,I carved out what I thought was best for them.Yet today,they seem immensely proud of their individual achievements,yes,they are all achievers,basking in the glory of their "self made" destinies.

Nothing is lost.The will is still strong and undaunted by insincerities,irreverence and apathy.The prayers are still to reach my destination ,as I have been all these years-honest,righteous and proud.Will I be?