Viewing my life from the grand stand , I m a bit awed- the tremendous transformation from the silly girl in pigtails,ever happy, carefree,over confident.Growing up in a big joint family, with grandmother,uncles and aunt,not forgetting the parents,who constantly disciplined me,ever reprimanding me for the way I was not rather than appreciating me for what I was.Yea,should not this have made me docile?Instead it made me strong willed,not open defiance but knowing that I was in for a sermonising from someone, I did what "I" thought was right!And I was not wrong ever!!
Through my adolescent years , basking in the warmth of lovely friendships,I remained contented and happy and understood the fact of life, that unless one believed in concepts with conviction, one's life will not move forward smoothly.This summarises my early life,not much to complain about but definitely not something every young girl would wish for. Reading my own diary of those days -"why do all girls of my age always dream of a Prince Charming?Who would come and wake them up from their slumber and lead them into a dream world?I am happy now,have the freedom to be what I want to be,do what pleases me.I can only dread the fact that life with an unknown angel,may not be a dream but a nightmare.Things will happen the way it will.Ke sera sera.Whatever will be,will be.I will wait for that without dreaming and face reality as and when it comes",I feel amazed at my own wisdom at 18 years! Wah girl!And waited for each step of my life to appear before me and I took that step warily,with a pragmatism beyond my years.
For a person observing from afar,I might have seemed vague or even pessimistic, I was not.I did not dream.I did not scheme.Dreamers end up disappointed.Schemers lose their today,ever planning for the future.I let things happen to me,for I believed then and a deep faith now ,that there is a Force around me monitoring and leading me in my every step,every action.Many things went out of control,there were failures,yes, there were disappointments.Undauntedly,I pursued my own interests.There were hardly any to encourage what I did,give me laurels when I succeeded.There were many to criticise my decisions and pooh poohing my achievements.But each day, I took time to sit down and go over my activities and pat myself for the teenie weenie bit of good deed, that I could perform that day.On a lousy day,I said to myself "it could have been worse".On a good day,when some total stranger said something nice to me though it was not going to make any impact on my life,I rejoiced.
More and more,with each passing year, I have realised that NO ONE is really totally contented or happy in this wide world of ours.I have had great moments,which have given me euphoria and I cannot be bogged down because others have not bothered about that.This is MY life and I can create my own happiness.And I have-there maybe a thousand things out there I could not get but what I have is no less substantial ."A bird in hand is worth two in the bush". I will be happy and satisfied with what I have- my thoughts,my desires and my achievements.
